Divine Punishment
by Purrrin
Summary: Dean lowered his head. “He is divine punishment for the sins I committed.” - While Sam was under a sleeping curse for two months, Dean and Castiel grew closer than expected. When Sam finds out, he is not amused. With dramatic consequences. Dean/Castiel
1. Divine Punishment

**Divine Punishment (Part 1)**

**Author's Note:** Just a small Dean / Castiel fic. This is supposed to be the first one of two parts. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters, sadly.

* * *

Sam opened his eyes with a gasp. At first, all he could perceive were dark, vague shadows. His mind was empty. No matter how hard he tried to remember, he couldn't say where he was or what had happened.

"He wakes up. It worked."

It was Dean's voice that reached his consciousness through the dismal fog surrounding his spirit. Sam's view became bright and clear again. Shadows took shape and contrast filled the world with color. Dean was looking down at him.

"Sam? Sammy? You hear me?"

Sam realized he was lying on the floor. An unfamiliar room around him was filled with bright daylight. "Dean…" he murmured, confused. "Where am I and what happened?"

"Sanford, Maine. I admit this isn't the best motel around here, but you weren't in the mood to object anyway."

Sam laid his palm against his forehead. "Dean, I don't remember anything. What are we doing here?"

"We", Dean looked at him with a criticizing face, "– that is, Cas and I – were working ourselves to death in order to wake you up again."

Sam shook his head. "All I remember is that woman, a ghost. It was the case we were working on. She attacked me and after that…" He shrugged.

"She cursed you with eternal slumber, my friend", Dean explained. "It took us two months to break the spell."

Sam's eyes widened. "I was asleep for two entire months?!"

"Yup."

"Just like Sleeping Beauty?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "If you leave out the _Beauty_, alright."

Sam frowned. "How did you manage to break the spell then? I thought the slumber was to be eternal."

"By destroying the source of the curse – the ghost itself" a familiar voice answered from the back of the room. "Hello, Sam. It's good to see you awake."

"Cas, you're here too. Thanks for helpin'."

Castiel nodded.

"You should get some rest now, Sam." Dean helped his brother to the couch. "You'll have to get used to being awake again."

* * *

Sam fell back into a restless sleep. The room was still pitch-black when he was woken by quiet, muffled voices. Silently Sam got up and sneaked across the room. The door was ajar. With a curious glance he peeked into the darkness of a small kitchen.

A faint beam of moonlight fell through the closed curtains of the window. Dean and Castiel were standing in the middle of the room.

Sam held his breath.

"Yeah, but not without your help." Dean's voice sounded strangely solemn.

"I did it gladly. I know how much he means to you." Castiel took another step towards Dean.

"I already owe you so much." Dean took the angel's hands into his own. "Without you, I would have never been able to do any of this."

Sam couldn't believe his eyes. His brother, tough and macho Dean, holding hands with a stoic, emotionless angel? _It has to be a dream_, he thought, confused_. A really, really weird one. I mean, as if they were a couple or something. Dean of all people, _Sam thought shaking his head at the absurdness of the idea. _And Cas. That's the most ridiculous thought ever thought._

And Dean lifted his hand to Castiel's cheek, whispered a few silent words and leaned forward until his lips touched Castiel's.

Sam spun round. His eyes were opened widely in shock. It simply had to be an effect of the curse put upon him, there was no other explanation! He fought hard to get the image he just witnessed out of his mind_. I have to get some rest_, Sam thought with a sore feeling and crawled back to the couch. A few seconds later, the kitchen door opened again and Dean left with a serious look on his face. Sam pulled the blanket over his head so Dean wouldn't notice he wasn't asleep.

And his brother didn't.

Dean took a quick glance at the couch, then crossed the room and let himself fall on the bed in the corner of the motel room. For a moment he stared at the ceiling with a pensive look on his face, but soon turned around and closed his eyes waiting for sleep to come.

* * *

Castiel was sitting on the bed and held him in his arms when Dean's consciousness returned.

He felt like being awake again, but a few seconds later he realized that this was just a dream. Since he and Castiel had grown closer, there hadn't been a single night without them meeting in his dreams. It was their connection, their secret meeting place even when the distance between Heaven and Earth was keeping them apart.

Dean smiled at the thought that in the beginning Castiel had only appeared in safe distance to his bed. By now, Dean was usually opening his eyes right in Castiel's embrace.

"Hey, Cas" he whispered fondly.

"Hello, Dean."

"You back in Heaven already?"

"Since I'm back with you, yes."

Dean chuckled. "Oh, Cas, come on, man. You don't have to be so cheesy." He let his arm rest on Castiel's.

"How is Sam doing?"

"He's sleepin' like a baby. Man, you should think he had enough the last months."

A smile crossed Castiel's face although he knew Dean couldn't see it. "He will be fine tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, he better is. We've got a lot of work to do." Dean turned his head to throw a glance at the angel. "What about you? Will you help us?"

"I'm not sure if I can make it back in time."

"What, so busy in Heaven? What are you guys doing up there all day, anyway? Sit around on some cloud and sing God's Praise, huh?" Dean grinned.

Castiel shrugged. "No, I don't sing very well. They usually won't let me."

Dean chuckled. "Well, if you sing the way you talk in your angel voice, I can't really blame them."

"I will keep searching for God" Castiel replied after a while. "Even if I am the only one who thinks He is still alive…"

"It's a good thing, Cas." Dean nodded slightly. "I told you, I was the same when I was looking for my father. And it was the right thing to keep searching."

"Dean? May I ask you a question?" Castiel sounded pensive.

"Hm?"

"What was your father's reason for leaving without telling anyone?"

Dean lowered his voice. "Well, I guess it was… because he wanted to protect me and Sam. He knew how dangerous the enemy he'd face really was and therefore he went by himself so that we wouldn't get hurt."

Castiel seemed to think about it. "…To protect his sons…"

"That's right."

"Could it be that God…?"

Dean shrugged. "Well, who else is supposed to care if not God himself? Maybe He just doesn't want to put anyone in danger."

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"And you still followed your father although he didn't want you to?"

"I didn't know his reason back then, Cas, but yeah, I followed. And it's a good thing I did, because he really needed our help. And besides", Dean smiled gently, "if I had just stayed where I was back then, we certainly wouldn't have met."

Castiel kissed his hair and let his head rest on Dean's.

"I can't believe I had to wait thirty years just to meet you."

The angel smiled. "I can't believe I had to wait millennia just to meet you."

Dean rolled his eyes ironically. "You always have to outdo me, don't you, Cas?"

* * *

The next morning was dark and cloudy. Rain pattered against the window as Sam sat up quietly and yawned.

Dean was already sitting at the small table next to the couch eating some indefinable kind of donut. "Good morning, Sammy" he said with a stupid grin on his face. "Time you woke up." He was just like always. As if nothing had happened at all.

Sam scratched his head. "Where's Castiel?"

Dean shrugged. "Cas? No idea. Probably in Heaven, sitting somewhere on a fluffy cloud." He took another bite of his breakfast. "He comes and goes just as he pleases."

"Huh, so at least that hasn't changed" Sam murmured to himself, but Dean lifted his head.

"At least? Hey, we're hunters, remember? Nothing _ever_ changes if you live kind of life, that's for sure."

"Yeah, whatever." Sam shook his head. "It's really great that you're so honest with me."

Dean put on a skeptical face. "What are you talking about? Had a scary nightmare?" Sarcasm shone brightly in his eyes.

"Worse. I woke up last night and went to the kitchen and _guess_ what I saw."

Dean remained silent for a few moments.

"Well?" Sam demanded. Disapproval was written all over his face.

"I thought you were asleep, Sam."

"Obviously I wasn't." Sam took a deep breath of air. His eyes were fixed on his brother. "So?" He leaned forward across the table. "Dean, I saw you and Castiel holding hands and…" He paused. "I don't even wanna think about it."

"Sam."

"What's that supposed to mean?! Tell me, because I don't understand. You're dating an angel of the Lord?"

Dean lowered his eyes for a second, and then looked back up to face his brother's gaze. "Yes, I'm dating an angel of the Lord. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I want to hear the truth." Sam crossed his arms before his chest and leaned back.

Dean sighed. "You have to understand. You were gone for two months… I was still here."

"Hm, sounds somehow familiar to me" Sam commented ironically. "That's really great, Dean. And you know what's even better? You were the one who got angry at me, who condemned me for what happened between Ruby and me while you were gone."

"Ruby was a demon!" Dean defended. "That's something entirely different."

"You realize Castiel is a guy? That's even worse." Sam shook his head. "Dean, you're not gay."

"I _am_ not!" Dean hissed, annoyed. "It's not gay. Our relationship isn't that physical."

"Thanks, I didn't wanna know that."

"Yeah, screw you, I didn't wanna tell ya either." Dean threw the donut back on the table. "Crap."

Sam didn't change the subject. "I can't believe Castiel would approve something like that."

"Sam, can't we just leave it be?"

"No we can't, because I just can't get this into my head." Sam waved his hands helplessly. "You cannot actually want this, Dean. I mean, come on, he's a man, not a sweet pretty young girl. And you're a guy, too. That's just wrong. And he's an angel. A few months ago you laughed at me for believing in them. And now you yourself are even dating one! And besides", Sam continued, "what did you just say? Your relationship isn't that physical? Don't make me laugh. As if you, of all people, could keep this up for long."

"You don't know what you're talking about" Dean snapped back.

Sam held his gaze challengingly. "Then explain it to me. Tell me the reason so that I understand."

Dean leaned forward. "You want to know the reason?" he repeated, angered. "I'll tell you. It's because I spend forty fuckin' years down in the depths of despair and there is not a single second in my life that I don't think about the terrible things I did, the suffering I caused and what I felt doing this for ten endlessly long years."

Sam winced slightly.

"You want to know the reason? Fine! Because he was the one who gripped me tight and raised me from perdition. Because when he rests his hand on my forehead the nightmares are gone. Because I need someone _as good as an angel_ to atone for the bad things I did. Because he's the only one who knows what I did down there and still thinks I deserved to be saved."

Sam found himself unable to speak.

"And don't you think I don't know he's a guy." Dean raged. "Don't you think I don't know he's an angel! And don't you dare think I don't suffer from it. I grow weak when he's around, I fear the moment when he's gone and the nightmares return. I long for him knowing that I can never have him because he's a damn angel and not a human being. This is painful, Sam." Dean shook his head, desperate. "But I have to bear it. It is just what I deserve." He paused. "He is divine punishment for the sins I committed."

And hearing those last words, Castiel, who was standing just around the corner, found his heart shattered to pieces.

* * *

"I'm sorry, Dean…" Sam lowered his head. "I… was an idiot. I don't even know why I reacted like that."

Dean shook his head. "No, it's alright, Sammy. I should have told you earlier. Then you wouldn't have found out like that."

"Dean…"

"Look, no matter what happens, you're my brother, Sam. And nothing can change that."

Sam nodded slightly, stood up and stretched his legs. "Well, now that we got that clear, why don't you tell me what _else_ happened during my eternal slumber? Any new jobs around?"

"Sure. That's why we are here after all."

* * *

"According to these records, Brown's body has been buried at the local graveyard." Sam clicked through a few websites. "I guess we'll have to go there tomorrow and burn the bones."

"Yeah, let's just hope this'll send that scraggy bastard back to hell." Dean closed the book in front of him and stood up. The hands of the clock at the wall pointed past midnight.

"Hey, Dean." Sam closed his notebook. "Say, when do you think Castiel will return? We could really use some angelic support against Brown's ghost."

"I told you, he isn't around every day." Dean walked towards the couch. "I guess it's my turn tonight to take the sofa. You know", he turned around to face Sam, "there are times when he's around for days and then there are others times I don't see him for weeks. Well, except at nights, when he appears to me while I'm sleeping. We usually meet in my dreams."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Man, that sounds just like a line from My Little Pony, Dean. That's really gay!"

"Did you say something?"

"Not really…" Sam switched off the lights and lay down on the bed. "Good night then and… have fun, I _guess_. Say hello to Cas for me."

"Yeah, I heard that alright. Dean Winchester, the gay Angel Whisperer. Dad would beat the crap out of me." He paused. "You're laughing."

"Well", Sam admitted, "you're laughing yourself."

"Probably." Dean closed his eyes with a smile. "'Night, Sammy."

"'Night."

* * *

"Hey, Dean."

Dean opened his eyes, sleepy. The room was unexpectedly bright. "Hey…?" he muttered and rubbed his eyes. "What do you mean, _hey_? Is it already morning?"

Sam laughed and pulled the pillow away from his brother. "Just what did you do in your dream that makes you say that? Wait, I'm not sure I wanna know!"

"Hell, I haven't been doing anything!" Dean protested. "I slept through the night."

"You mean, Cas didn't _visit_ you?" Sam couldn't help but to feel a bit of mischievousness at the thought that Dean might have been turned down by his lovely angel.

"That's strange… He would have told me…"

"Dean, Cas is a busy angel. You never know." Sam shrugged. "Maybe he's got to work overtimes in Heaven."

"Yeah, let's hope so." Dean didn't seem convinced. "I just hope he's alright… not hurt or…"

"He's an angel, Dean. There isn't really a lot out there that could harm him."

Dean lifted his head. "Except for his own people, I guess."

* * *

Castiel didn't reappear throughout the day and as night started to cover the city in darkness again, the brothers stopped the car right in front of the graveyard's iron gate.

Sam pulled out a flashlight and started to search the names on the gravestones for Steven Brown.

"He's over here!" Dean shouted after a short while. "And it looks someone's gotten him first."

Sam pointed the light at the grave, but there was only a deep black hole in the ground. "What…" The movement to his left was too sudden for him to react. A blow hit him hard and Sam dropped the flashlight which cracked immediately against the gravestone's hard rock.

"Sam, he's not a ghost, he's a ghoul!" Dean yelled as he realized that Steven Brown was standing right next to his brother, but it was too late. The pale-faced zombie lifted his hand and hit Sam to the ground. As the flashlight turned off, the night became black again.

"Sammy!" Dean turned around to help his brother and grabbed the shovel which they had brought along to dig out the coffin. With brute force he stroke out and hit the ghoul against his rotting head.

Brown's corpse tumbled back.

Dean looked around. Hectically his eyes searched for something to use as a stake against the undead, but his opponent was faster. With a fearsome growl he jumped at Dean and pulled him to the ground.

"Sam!" Dean cried, but his brother, still unconscious, couldn't help.

The zombie was ready to strike the final blow. Dean closed his eyes.

Suddenly the undead was bathed in glistening light, eyes shining brightly and almost seemed to burn with white, flashing flames. Seconds later, the creature turned to a pile of grey dust.

Dean held his breath. "Cas." He tried to get up. "Man, I have to say, you're not a second too early."

Castiel didn't reply.

"What's wrong?" Dean threw a quick glance at the angel and walked over to the grave, where Sam was still lying. "He's just unconscious, thank God…" he muttered to himself. "That really caught us off guard." He turned back to Castiel. "That bastard crawled out of his own grave."

Castiel looked at him with an unfamiliar expression.

Dean stopped. "Cas, what's wrong with you? Why aren't you saying something?"

"I don't know what to say." Castiel's voice sounded strangely dark.

Dean lifted his eyebrow. "What about '_Hello, Dean'_, for instance?"

"Goodbye, Dean" Castiel murmured instead and turned around, but Dean grabbed his arm.

"Whoa, whoa, Cas, wait a minute. What the hell is bugging you?"

"Nothing, really" Castiel explained. "I just don't want to make you suffer anymore."

"Suffer?" Dean shook his head. "What the heck are you talking about?"

Castiel faced him challengingly. "I'm talking about your _divine punishment_."

Dean held his breath for a second, and then he sighed. "Cas."

"No, it's okay, Dean. You don't have to say anything. Believe me, I've heard enough."

"You haven't heard anything, Castiel." Dean didn't let go off his arm. "What I said yesterday… I just said something thoughtlessly, because Sam pushed me to."

"Maybe" Castiel replied. "But I still know it's true."

"Cas, it's not."

The angel's eyes were cold. "It is." He waited for Dean to say something, but then continued. „Look, it's alright if you want to be in love with a human being. I understand that. It's just natural that you want to be together with a pretty girl and have sex with her. That is okay." He looked Dean deep in the eyes. "But then, please, don't tell me that you're happy with me. Don't tell me that you love me."

"But I do!" Dean hissed helplessly. "Jesus Christ! Why is everybody picking on me these days?" He looked up to meet Castiel's eyes. "Just because something may be true for, say, twenty percent, it doesn't mean something else isn't also true for the remaining eighty percent! I love you, Cas. I _need_ you."

Castiel took one step away from him. "Yes, you need me to put my hand on your forehead so that you can sleep without any nightmare, right." It hurt him saying these words. "You're just using me to make you feel less guilty for the sins you committed."

Dean felt his defenses break away. Those things Castiel said to him… he didn't even know whether they were true or not. He wasn't sure himself. But the fear of losing Castiel made him fight. "That's not true. Read my mind if you don't believe me." He forced himself to stay strong on the surface. "Please, Castiel. All my life I've never met anyone like you. Someone who supported me, someone who believed in me. Someone who gave me faith."

"And yet you're suffering with me." Castiel lowered his head. "Because I'm not a human being. Because if I say that I love you, and you say that you love me, we may not necessarily mean the same." He lifted his hand and touched Dean's cheek. "I should go now. For I never want to see you unhappy. And…" With regret in his eyes he turned around. "I don't think you deserve to be punished."

Dean could feel a gentle breeze brushing against his cheek as Castiel vanished. He lowered his head and stared at the ground. "You were by no means a punishment for me, Castiel." He closed his eyes for a moment. "You were – from the very beginning – a blessing I didn't deserve."

* * *

**To be continued…**


	2. Divine Blessing

****

Divine Blessing (Part 2)

**Author's Note:** So here's the second and final chapter of the story. I hope you enjoy it!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters, sadly.

**

* * *

**

For a moment, Dean remained in silence. An icy chill made the nightly graveyard tremble. Somehow he felt as if the dead in their graves were watching him, mocking him about his misery.

With a sudden rage of anger, Dean threw the shovel that was still in his hands on the ground. "You son of a bitch! How can you do this to me?!"

There was no answer, only silence.

Sam stirred and gasped. "Dean? What happened?" He felt around for the flashlight. "Dean!"

His brother shielded his eyes against the light Sam suddenly pointed at him.

Sam could read the bewilderment in his face. He stood up and grabbed his brother's arm. "Dean, what's wrong? What happened?"

Dean turned his head towards Sam and stared back at him. "He's gone, Sam. He's gone."

* * *

"Oh God… I'm such an idiot…!" Sam slapped his hand against his forehead and took a good swig of his whiskey. He looked back at his brother who was sitting opposite him at a small table in the corner of the smoke filled pub.

A band played some jazzy songs but no one really paid attention. A few drunk men at the bar were getting into a fight.

"Dean, honestly, I can't tell you how sorry I am."

Dean's eyes looked distressed and somehow very tired. "No, Sammy, stop it. It's not your fault."

"It _is_. I made you say those things because…" Sam sighed. "I don't know. It would have been better if you never broke the curse in the first place. Then I would still be asleep now and Cas and you…"

"Sam" Dean interrupted. "It's not your fault. It's mine. I was the one who said those things. But hey" he shrugged. "Who cares anyway. You know, Sam, you were right after all." He grabbed his glass and downed it in one swallow. "With everything you said about Cas and especially about me."

"But, Dean…"

"No." Dean lifted his hand to stop his brother from objecting. "I don't know why I even wanted this in the first place. He's an angel, and angels and humans don't fit together."

Sam lifted his eyebrows. "You don't really mean that."

"Like hell, I do." Dean nodded to himself. "If it makes him happy to be without me, fine. I certainly won't whine like some little girl. In fact", he threw a glance at a pretty blonde girl at the bar, "I have a lot to catch up on."

"Uhm… Are you sure you're fine?"

"I am." Dean looked confident as he turned around and left for the bar. "Don't wait for me, Sam. I won't be back until morning."

* * *

It was ten p.m. when Sam returned to the motel. He was still feeling bad for coming between Castiel and his brother, but maybe this was indeed the right way for Dean to be happy. With a bottle of beer in his hands and a sweet girl in his arms.

He took off his jacket and sat down in front of the notebook. Bobby had left them a message concerning a job which sounded pretty interesting. Immediately he started to do some research. Mysterious disappearance of people… Seven cases during the past five months… Sam flipped a few books open. What kind of creature would cause…

Sam winced a bit when he suddenly heard the door open unexpectedly. Startled, he turned around but – to his surprise – it was his brother, who put the keys down and entered.

"What!" Sam started to laugh. "It's ten past ten, Dean. I didn't expect you back until morning."

Dean's head was lowered as he sat down on one of the chairs next to the window. "Well…"

Sam lifted his eyebrow. "Well?"

"Well, it didn't work out quite as planned."

"I can see that. What happened?" Sam noticed a pensive look on Dean's face.

"I guess she just realized that she was already spoken for."

"Oh, really?" Sam looked at his brother. "_She_ realized?"

"Yes, and that's why, in the end, she couldn't do it and left because she understood, that was not what she really wanted."

"She's a poor girl, then. She's suffering and doesn't want to admit it. I feel sorry for her."

Dean faced his eyes challengingly. "Maybe she isn't allowed to admit it. Because the guy who dumped her might be listening."

Sam shook his head. "But maybe he would come back if he only knew how she felt. Maybe the two of them should just meet and talk it over."

"Sam." Dean sounded tired. "That wouldn't do any good."

"Why not? You haven't even tried!"

"I tried!" Dean snapped back. "But he's already made up his mind. He won't listen anymore."

Sam turned back to the PC. "Alright, alright. Do whatever you want. I certainly won't interfere anymore. I had my lesson, believe me."

* * *

Weeks passed and no sign of Castiel whatsoever. The brothers kept on hunting, travelling, saving people, laughing together. But Sam could read in his brother's eyes – sometimes, in quiet moments, like when they were driving through the endlessly dark night – that he was crying inside for his angel to come back to him and make every pain go away like he'd always done before. It made Sam sad to see Dean suffer in silence and smile on the outside. And he really _was_ suffering. At night, when they were both asleep in one of those many motel rooms, Sam would occasionally wake up to find his brother breathing hard, cold sweat on his forehead, long-hidden tears on his cheek. There was no angel sitting on the edge of his bed, no angel putting his hand on Dean's forehead and making the nightmares go away.

Sam would lower his head then and go back to sleep just to find his brother smiling and joking again the next morning.

It was the same this night. They had travelled all day back to Kansas, Sam still hurting from an injury he'd received on their last hunt. They had eaten dinner in silence and gone to bed early. And again, a few hours past midnight, Sam had found his brother crying silently in his sleep.

For a moment he stood there and watched. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed and let his hand rest on his brother's forehead.

Dean murmured something, but his breathing did not calm down, his pain didn't stop.

Sam stood up again, a concerned expression on his face. "I only wish I knew how to help you…" Silently he went back to his bed and tried to go back to sleep.

A few moments later, however, he felt like being wide awake again. There was a shadow in front of the window.

Sam held his breath. "…Castiel?" He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Wait, is this a dream?"

"Yes."

Sam paused. "You're… appearing to me in my dreams?" He stared at the angel with a wary expression in his eyes. "You're… not… by any chance… coming on to me?"

Castiel narrowed his eyes, puzzled. " _Coming… on_? Like in '_Come on, we have to hurry!'_?"

"No, more like in…" Sam rolled his eyes. "Oh, just forget it. But Dean still won't be happy to hear that you appeared to me and not to him, you know."

"I'm just… doing it for his sake." For a second Castiel looked away. "He deserves to live a happy life and I don't want him to feel… _tied_ to me."

"That's really selfless of you, Cas" Sam nodded but then remembered that the angel wouldn't understand his sarcasm. He leaned forward. "If you had bothered to look after him once in a while, you would have noticed that my brother is _not happy at all_. He may act like he's fine, but in fact, he's suffering. He tosses and turns at nights and cries in his sleep." Sam watched Castiel's every reaction. "Maybe it's because of his nightmares of Hell, maybe it's because you're gone, I don't know. But I know that he's suffering and you're refusing to be at his side." Sam pointed his finger accusingly at Castiel. His eyes were furious.

For a moment, Castiel remained silent, and Sam started to wonder what the angel might reply, but then he just lifted his head and said: "I'm not here because of Dean, but because of a job I need you to do."

"Are you trying to change the subject?"

"I am trying to do what is best for everyone, Sam" Castiel snapped back. "There is a demon we tracked down. He is of high rank so it is essential for you to destroy him. The location is Kansas-"

"No, Cas." Sam's eyes were firm. "Don't get me wrong. We _will_ hunt down that demon, don't worry. But you'll have to show us _yourself_ where he is. You'll have to come with us."

* * *

The reunion between Castiel and Dean the next morning hadn't turned out quite as affectionate as Sam had hoped. Dean had stared at Castel in shock for a few moments, Castiel hadn't even lifted his head.

Now they were sitting inside the Impala in silence, Castiel on the backseat and Dean did his best to avoid using the rear mirror.

Sam started to get frustrated by the situation. "So, Cas" he started. "Where exactly are we going?"

"Fort Scott" Castiel replied shortly.

End of the conversation. Silence again.

Sam sighed and leaned forward to turn on the radio.

A female voice was singing. _"These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase… When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, I held your hand through all of these years, you still have… all of me…"_

"I do hate Evanescence" Dean growled and changed the radio station.

Immediately the music got cheerful. _"I'm walking on sunshine, oh oh, I'm walking on sunshine, oh oh, and don't it feel good? Hey! Alright now!"_

Dean snorted and turned off the radio entirely.

An oppressive silence returned to the car.

They drove like this for a few more miles, until Sam shook his head again. "Come on, this is so ridiculous. A ridiculous brother and a ridiculous angel. Could you at least talk to each other concerning this case we're on?"

"Sam." Dean rolled his eyes. "Didn't you tell me you'd learned your lesson?"

"Ts, fine then." Sam crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned back in silence. This was going to become quite a long journey.

It was about half past seven when they finally arrived at Fort Scott and Sam and Dean decided to look for a place to spend the night.

"We'll start hunting that thing tomorrow morning" Dean said and nobody dared to object.

Sam turned to Castiel. "Will you meet us here then?"

"Alright" the angel agreed and a few seconds later he was gone.

"That was horrible, Dean" Sam scolded his brother while they were still sitting in the car. "You could have at least looked at him."

"He didn't look at me either" Dean remarked with a cold expression in his eyes.

"You know…", Sam lowered his head, "in the end, I think he's doing all of this for your sake."

"He's avoiding me for my sake?" Dean's voice sounded bitter. "Well, thanks, I'll be eternally grateful to him."

* * *

The motel room was filled with utter darkness and it mirrored the way Castiel felt on the inside. The words Sam had said to him last night bothered him more than he dared to admit. He was at a loss and there was no one he could turn to for advice. No angel would approve his feelings for a human being. He was all alone.

Silently he moved out of the shadows and towards the bed Dean was sleeping in. Sam, on the other side of the room, seemed totally quiet and at peace, his breath going slowly but steady.

Castiel turned around and looked down at Dean gasping and groaning as if he was suffering from a terrible nightmare. So Sam had spoken the truth after all… Dean _was_ having nightmares again, he was in pain, and it hurt Castiel to see it.

All he ever wanted was for Dean to be happy, to smile, and for that very purpose he even took the pain to leave him, to be without him, so that Dean wouldn't have to give up on an ordinary human life and an ordinary human love just because he might feel obliged to stay with an angel.

But now, Dean was suffering anyway – or maybe even _because_ of it.

Castiel sighed silently and sat down on the edge of the bed. Gently he stroke Dean's cheek and let his hand rest on his forehead for a few moments.

Immediately, Dean's body relaxed, his breathing became calm and even.

Castiel closed his eyes. He thought back to the day they had met for the first time. He couldn't have imagined for a second how precious that human would be to him one day. But from the very beginning there had been this strange feeling of familiarity unlike Castiel had ever experienced before. For the first time he had met a being so full of emotion, of empathy, of determination and it had swept him off his feet entirely.

Dean was a mystery to him, a closed book he wasn't able to read. And it captivated him. Dean was everything he lacked and he knew that Dean felt the same way about him as well.

And still, maybe during the time they had spent alone with each other, Castiel had realized that they were also similar in their own special way. He got the feeling once in a while that he had more in common with a human being than with his own brothers and sisters, in whom he'd started to lose his trust after Uriel's betrayal. Dean as well had to face doubts about his brother's loyalty and he had never lost faith in his mission to find his father. Castiel was determined to follow his example. So they had spent many long nights musing about their missions, their goals and their feelings. And Castiel had appreciated every second.

It was not until recently, being without Dean for the first time again, that he realized how much he already depended on his advice, his words and his closeness.

From the opposite side of the room Castiel could hear Sam turn around. Silently he stood up and decided to leave. With a solemn face he looked back at Dean one last time.

Dean's sleep had calmed and he wouldn't have anymore nightmares until morning.

Some kind of movement woke Sam from his sleep. Blinking he looked around the dark room, but there was nothing there. He sighed and decided to go back to sleep when he suddenly noticed his brother sleeping calmly for the first time in weeks. With a frown on his forehead Sam peeked through the darkness, wary, but except his brother there wasn't another soul around.

* * *

The old floorboards creaked when Sam, Dean and Castiel entered the abandoned warehouse in the morning. The windows were broken, debris and rubble all over the floor.

"Nice hideout for a demon, you have to admit that." Dean looked around. "Let's get the job done, Sammy. I suggest you go with Castiel and search the basement, I'll go up and look around the attic" he decided.

Sam rolled his eyes. "And how about _I'll_ search the basement and Cas and you-"

Castiel, however, turned around. "Let's go, Sam."

With a puzzled expression on his face, Sam turned around to face the angel. "Hey! Cas!"

Dean simply shrugged and left for the stairs. He was in fact happy finally being alone again. He couldn't be around Castiel anymore and Sam constantly trying to get them back together made things even worse.

The wooden steps were uneven and some of them already broken.

Inside his heart, Dean still hoped that _he_ would be the one to encounter the demon, so he wouldn't have to worry about any harm coming to Sam or Castiel.

When he finally reached the attic, he loaded the gun in his hands and sneaked around the corner.

"Dean Winchester. It's an honor." A man was standing in front of a broken window. He had noticed the intruder without even turning around.

"How come you know my name?" Dean demanded, grim.

The demon turned around and sneered at him, eyes pitch-black. "Oh please, Dean Winchester, we know everything about you and your brother. And, should I say, about you and that angel as well."

"About me and that angel, huh?" Dean narrowed his eyes.

The demon grinned. "Of course. You two all we demons talk about these days. The odd couple. It's the joke of the week down in Hell and certainly in Heaven as well."

Dean glared back. Inside, he struggled for a repartee.

The demon snickered. "Ridiculous. A human and an angel in love. And none less than Dean Winchester, our talented torturer." He prowled around Dean like a tiger around his prey. "Are you feeling blissful when he's around? Does he give you comfort? Oh yes, I bet. But don't be deceived by a handsome face, by deep blue eyes and a soothing voice. After all, you're in love with a waft of shiny white smoke, nothing more and nothing less. Because that's all Castiel really is. And if he were to possess a little child or a seventy year old woman, he would still be as truly _Castiel_ as he is now. Tell me, would you enjoy spending the nights in their arms as much as you do in his?"

Dean swallowed hard. He knew that a demon would say anything in order to harm or confuse him. But still… what he said…

"Oh, come on, don't look at me like a little child who is told that Santa Clause doesn't really exist." The demon smiled. "You have to face the truth. He is nothing more than a puppeteer moving a marionette while you're only able to perceive the puppet. You should ask yourself whether you're really in love with the puppeteer or merely with his marionette."

The blow hit Dean hard against his face. He tumbled back, blood dropping from his nose. He hadn't been prepared for the sudden attack. It took him a while to recover.

The demon giggled merrily. "Come on, don't give me that look. Even you have doubts about your feelings. And justifiably so! After all, the last time an angel and a human being fell in love with each other over two thousand years ago, it ended with nothing but pain, tears, a lost grace and lots of blood." He strolled towards Dean. "What, your beloved angel hasn't told you about that? He is probably too afraid himself that history might repeat itself." With incredible speed he hit Dean once again, the confused man falling to the ground.

The demon leaned over him. "Admit it, Dean Winchester, you _want_ it to end. Your angel has left you, your love is doomed, your brother isn't the same anymore as he was before and your sins will never be forgiven."

Dean stared back at the demon's face. He felt tired, abandoned and despaired. And it hurt him. There was really not so much that would change after his death. Maybe Sam would be able to live a better life and Cas… Cas would be able to return to Heaven without being disregarded by his own kind.

The demon grabbed his collar and smashed his head back to the floor.

Dean could feel the warm blood running to the ground. He did not resist.

* * *

"Dean!!" Sam sprinted up the stairs, Castiel following closely after him. "Dean!!"

His brother was lying on the floor, unconscious, when the demon stood up, a smirk on his face.

"What did you do to Dean?!" Sam stopped. "Get away from him."

Castiel's eyes widened in shock when he saw Dean lying in a puddle of his own blood. He felt a sudden panic overwhelming him and he stumbled to his side, cradling his head in his hands. "Dean…" For the first time the angel realized how fragile humans were all along. Dean's life was like a feeble candle and every single breeze could blow out its fire entirely. It brought tears to his eyes. What should he do if Dean was not around anymore? He would be alone, empty, incomplete. He wouldn't know what to do anymore. He needed Dean's advice, his confidence, his smile.

So there was only one way, Castiel finally realized and made a choice. He would be able to bear it. For Dean.

Sam stepped towards his opponent, his palm lifted against the demon. "I will have you suffer for what you did to my brother."

* * *

Sam was sitting at Dean's bedside when Dean finally opened his eyes again. The ECG was beeping steadily, the air smelled of disinfectant.

"Sammy…" he whispered with a weak tone of voice.

"Hey, Dean. How are you feeling?" Sam leaned forward.

"I'm okay" Dean replied, fully aware that he was not. "It's alright."

"That's good."

"What about you? What happened to the demon?"

"He's gone. Cas and I sent him back to Hell."

Dean closed his eyes again. There was a bandage around his head. "Where's Cas?"

Sam could hear disappointment in his brother's voice. But fortunately he had some news to cheer him up. A gentle smile ran over Sam's face. "You'll be happy about it."

Dean looked back at him with a puzzled expression.

Sam patted Dean's hand with his own. "Castiel decided to become human for you." He sighed happily.

"He what?!" Dean sat up, eyes wide open.

"It's great, huh? He made up his mind after seeing you injured."

"No…"

Sam's expression suddenly mixed with confusion. "What do you mean, no? Isn't that what you wished for?"

"No!" Dean shook his head helplessly.

"But… why? You will finally able to be together, _for real_. Cas will become a real person, he'll eat, he'll sleep, he'll age with you... Isn't that awesome? Isn't that what you wished for?"

"Maybe I wished for it. But I didn't want it to become reality." Dean leaned forward and grabbed the sleeve of Sam's shirt. "Sam, he won't be himself anymore. He won't be an angel anymore. He will become plain ordinary and stop being everything I need him to be." He closed his eyes for a moment. "I need to stop him."

"B-But Dean! You can't leave the hospital!" Sam could read a strange determination in his brother's eyes.

"I have to, Sammy. I have to."

* * *

Only after Dean had made sure that Sam hadn't followed, he dropped the match onto the holy oil he had poured on the floor. Instantly, the circle started to burn, throwing flickering lights at the walls of the abandoned warehouse where they had hunted the demon two days ago.

Dean looked around him. Everything was prepared. There was not a second to lose. He prayed to God that Castiel hadn't already ripped out his Grace and fallen to Earth as he opened the book in his hands and started to perform the conjuration.

After he had spoken the final words, the ground began to tremble, just like that day back in the past when he and Bobby had summoned Castiel for the first time.

Dean held his breath. It was working… Was that a sign for Castiel still being an angel? After all, it was not possible to conjure humans through any kind of ritual.

Suddenly the trembling stopped and when Dean opened his eyes again, Castiel was standing in the middle of the burning circle. His expression looked slightly angered.

"Dean. What's that supposed to mean" the angel demanded in a low tone of voice.

Dean shrugged with an apologetic look. "Sorry, Cas. But this is so you don't disappear on me." He took one step towards the trap. "You know, Sam was right after all. We need to talk. Alone."

"And you need to trap me inside a circle of holy oil for that?"

"Actually, this is the holy oil you that you brought back from arid Jerusalem, remember? So, to some extent, one could say that you trapped yourself there."

The look on Castiel's face told Dean that the angel was not in the mood for jokes. "Dean, I was just about to rip out my Grace for you. And you don't even trust me enough to-"

"I'm glad I made it in time then."

"What?" Castiel looked back at him, a frown on his forehead. "What did you just say?"

"Cas." Dean stepped towards him, a serious expression on his face. "I really appreciate what you were going to do for me. But…" He looked away. "I don't want that."

"What do you mean, you don't want that?" Castiel shook his head, puzzled. "If I remove my Grace, I will become human. As human as you are. You will not suffer anymore. We will finally be able to be together."

"We already _were_ together, Cas!" Dean pleaded. "You have to understand, I need you to be the one I have fallen in love with. I don't want you to change, I don't want to you give up on who you are. If you lose your Grace, you'll lose a part of yourself, a part of what makes you _Castiel_."

Castiel watched Dean carefully.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" Dean hoped that his words would be enough to convince the angel. "I need you, an angel, and not some random human guy."

"You almost died here two days ago, Dean. And I was standing next to you, unable to do anything to prevent that. One day, your life will slip through my fingers and I won't be able to keep it. I will be the one left behind." Castiel looked away. "I still think of Anna sometimes. The two of you kissed and you looked back at her as if she was everything you needed. And she _was_. She was both an angel and a human being."

"Cas, this is not about Anna" Dean remarked, but Castiel didn't stop.

"Don't you realize that I can never give you what Anna could? We can only be together either as angels or as humans." Castiel looked desperate. "And since it is not possible for you to become an angel, I need to be the one to become human. It's the only way for both of us to be happy."

"But who says that this is the only way for us to be happy? We _were_ happy those past months, weren't we?"

Castiel felt himself relenting. That look in Dean's eyes gave him the impression that anything was possible.

"Maybe angels and humans weren't intended to be together. That's okay. But who cares if it's not in the user's manual. Do _you_ care?"

Castiel couldn't bring himself to look Dean into the eyes. "We cannot be together, Dean. Not the angel way, not the human way."

"But we can be together _our_ way." Dean paused. "I have made my choice, Cas, and it's a final one. So what about you? Have you made your choice yet?"

Castiel hesitated. He fought with himself not to give in but on the inside, everything he wanted was to be with Dean. The memory of Dean suffering in his sleep crossed his mind again. Castiel could make the nightmares go away. He always had during the time they spent together. Maybe what Dean really needed was, after all, an angel. "I have made my choice a long time ago" Castiel finally admitted and lifted his head.

Dean felt the tension ease. He looked back at the angel. "Thank you."

"Dean…" Castiel lifted his hand to touch Dean's cheek but the barrier kept his hand from leaving the burning circle on the ground. Helpless, his hand lingered in the air as if pressing against an invisible wall of glass separating them. He wasn't able to reach him and it made him feel distressed.

Dean however smiled back at him with a warm expression on his face and with no effort at all he reached through the invisible barrier, interlacing their fingers as their palms touched gently. Their hands fit into each other's perfectly and Castiel could feel Dean's firm grip assuring him support and security. It was not until now that the angel realized how much he had longed for their hands to touch again, to make him feel as if nothing ever could separate them again. From the very beginning, Dean had be the one being able to get through to him, to reach him even in the depths of doubt and despair.

Dean looked at their entangled hands and took a deep breath. He knew that this was how it should be, how he wanted it to be. Their hands belonged together and even if it was an angel's and a human's hand, Castiel's firm grip reminded him that they would be able to overcome all differences between Heaven and Earth just like their hands had been able to break through the barrier of burning oil.

"Castiel." Dean lifted his head and met Castiel's eyes. "Please, don't ever leave me again. I swear to God, you were not a second a punishment to me. You are a blessing and I need you to be by my side." He closed his eyes for a second and then looked back at Castiel. "I love you."

Castiel pulled Dean's hand gently and took one step back, Dean following him into the burning circle, his feet crossing the fire on the ground with ease. "Stay with me", the angel whispered, "until the end of all days."

Surrounded by lambent flames they lost themselves in each other's kiss.


	3. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Author's Note:** And finally the epilogue! This was actually part of the second chapter but I liked it better to have the second chapter end with the kiss and put this into a separate chapter. I would be glad if you could leave a short comment :-) Thanks a lot!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters, sadly.

* * *

Sam found the Impala in front of the warehouse where they had hunted that demon two days ago. Unbelieving, he shook his head at how reckless his brother was behaving again. Slowly he approached the door and opened it silently.

The room was filled with the orange glow of fire. Dean and Castiel were standing inside a circle of burning oil, kissing.

Immediately, Sam thought back to the night after he was cured from his curse, when he had stood at the door just like now and seen his brother and the angel together for the first time. It had been such an awkward feeling and Sam had to admit that even now seeing his brother kissing a guy was a view Sam still had to get used to. But he vowed to himself that something like his mistake from before would never happen again. Dean deserved to be happy. And that was everything Sam wished for.

"Sammy." Dean and Castiel had noticed him.

"Dean, I've been looking everywhere for you." Sam stepped into the room. "You could have at least told me where you were."

"I'm here" Dean replied casually.

Sam rolled his eyes. "I can see that."

"I have to go now" Castiel said. "Could you please let me go?"

"Of course." Dean stepped onto the burning oil, his shoe covering the flames and breaking the circle.

Castiel stepped out. "Thank you for your help with the demon, Sam, Dean." With a nod he turned around.

"Did I interrupt something?" Sam wondered quietly, but Dean ignored him.

"Cas?"

The angel turned around. "Yes?"

Dean's face looked hopeful. "We'll meet again tonight, won't we?"

Castiel looked back at him, a slight smile crossing his face. "We will."

A gentle breeze touched their faces and the angel was gone.

The brothers got back into the Impala and closed the doors of the car.

Sam sighed. "And I will finally be able to sleep through the night again, without being waked up by my brother's horrible nightmares. That's what I call a Happy End."

There was a grin on Dean's face as they drove along the road and vanished somewhere towards the rising sun.


End file.
